My first……..

2 September 2014:

I was walking with my friend— lets just say his name is “Bob” -I have a crush on his——- anyway yeah we were walking and I asked how big his hand is compare to mine. And he gave me his hand and I put mine on his, and my fingers slip through the gaps ( I meant to do that but I didnt mean to-get me?) and we keep it there for a few seconds but he didn’t do the same to me he just kept his hand the same and then he took his hand off and acted like it never happened! and I had to talk about something like:”Your hand is the same size as mine” and he just awkwardly chuckled. What I am trying to say is: ‘WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING!!!!!! DOES HE KNOW I LIKE HIM NOW?’ Do i acted like it never happened?

Not only that but my friend Shanice told me that my ex is going out with some chick in my grade (he is a year older that me) and I got well, pissed but I dont even like him anymore–I think. I don’t know if I do or its just the memories I keep holding on to which also keeps me up at night and he is the reason I’m scared permanently. I’ll see how it goes tomorrow but I’ll tell yous or just type it up so it’s off my chest. 

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My diary entries…….

And the answers to the questions in the first diary entry is YES!!!!!!! he definitely knows! its the 6th September 2014 (I haven’t been posting for a while-I’ve been busy) and yesterday I indirectly asked him out. Like, I said: “So,the holidays are coming up and I was wondering if you wanna go out”. and he said: “I don’t want to hurt your feelings, I just dont want to go there,I’m not that type of—I just dont want to go there, I dont want to hurt your feelings”.  WHAT THE F DOES THAT MEAN?!?!?!?!?!?!

like does it mean that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship but he likes me?! or he doesn’t think of me in that way? or what? I understand he just wants to stay friends–I got that but– anyway I didn’t tell anyone I don’t think I will.